Emotional Healing – Healing the rift between male and female within and without

After years of fighting in explosive arguments in a relationship, which is now, thankfully over, the light has dawned on that pattern as a result of talking through a terrible row that I had with my male friend recently. By talking through the row in a spirit of exploration and healing and not blaming each other, my friend and I have shed a lot of light on old patterns that we both realized had dominated our past relationships.

It was in a pub in Brighton a few weeks ago, when the big row blew up between myself and my friend. He seemed to behave just like a past partner of mine and I behaved, according to my friend, just like one of his past partners from a long time ago.

What we worked out together by talking carefully through the evening, after leaving a weeks gap so we could calm down, was connected with both our patterns of relating and dealing with fear. He felt that I had attacked him for no reason and caused him a lot of upset. But after discussing it, he saw that he had NOT BEEN CONSCIOUS of his behaviour in the build-up to my explosive reaction. Until we talked about it, he had simply not been aware of how he had behaved towards me. Sometimes the use of alcohol etc can be part of keeping these patterns unconscious, but two people being unable to talk things through dispassionately is perhaps the biggest cause. It is notable also that he said that ‘although I might have seemed aggressive to you, I actually felt like a 2-year old’. He also felt that he was ‘annoying’ me by following me around the pub, whereas in actuality I was feeling intimidated and whilst I didn’t feel in immediate physical danger, I was feeling fearful and my body was releasing adrenaline.

We talked and he realised that he had been feeling fearful around performing on stage in the pub that night, but he had thought that his fear was ‘internal’. He realised that he had been dumping on me by being moody and getting angry with me about something unconnected, which wasn’t my ‘fault’ anyway. I ended up feeling shaky, uncomfortable and shocked and then because I was fearful and on edge I had an explosive reaction. Because my friend had not been aware of his part of being moody and angry, he, at the time, felt he was being mistreated by my explosive reaction.

It was such a relief for me that both he and I could understand what had gone and and that he saw his part in the row; because for years I had gone through this kind of interaction with a past partner, knowing that something UNCONSCIOUS was happening but not knowing what exactly…we were too close to examine it, and he perhaps was too substance affected and unwell also. My ex had always said to me..you blew up over nothing…but I see now he wasn’t CONSCIOUS of the hours of moody, aggressive behaviour that I had endured before I ‘over-reacted’ in anger or fear.

For my part, I also saw for the first time the effect that my ‘explosive reaction’ had on people. It had caused my friend upset for several days. I was sorry for this, and even though I knew that I had not begun the situation, and was so relieved that he had seen his part in the situation, however I had caused harm so it is important that I become more aware. Unlike my friend, I knew how I had behaved..ie I was conscious of ‘exploding’ but I realized that I had been UNCONSCIOUS for a split second before I exploded. At this point I lost the choice of how to react. It was probably the moment that I felt most threatened by my friend’s behaviour as the emotional tension/conflict heated up. I then erupted in an old pattern of defence that I used against my family as a teenager. I went into extreme fight or flight mode. Afterwards, my friend had said that I had had the right idea ie to put a stop to the ‘dumping’ by him, but wrong response. I’m lucky to be working and playing with such a wise friend who has the courage to look at himself, and who understands a lot about male/female interaction.

So both of us were able to shed light on our responses to ‘fear’: ie on this occasion in the form of my friends stage fright and my fear around conflict with a man. It was also patterns of relating with the opposite sex in both of our lives. THis is important to work with because if you can’t see it, you are destined to repeat it…if its a pattern. I know it may not be exactly your pattern, but most if not all people have UNCONSCIOUS patterns of relating. What we are unconscious of becomes our fate. We can leave a partner but not the pattern for if we have not become more CONSCIOUS of what is happening, we may well repeat it with the next partner we find. Sound familiar?

At a deeper level, my friend and I had also worked a little on the archetypal interactions between male and female, albeit within the confines of a boundaried ‘friendship’…easier to work with! There is a new story coming out of an old story here: of women asserting their territory in relationships and how to do that in a balanced and CONSCIOUS way using their male energy. And also of men exploring the realms of their feelings; their female side and of becoming more CONSCIOUS of new ways of doing that.

PS Subsequently I found myself more empowered, dealing with my fear and some rather large and potentially aggressive males but in a more balanced way! And hopefully, one day soon, I will attract a new type of relationship with a man as a result of some of this work I am doing with my friend.


About spiritandshadow

I have had a lot of spiritual experiences over the years and am interested in the transformation of humanity's consciousness in this amazing new age. I have also become interested in the shadow manipulators that it seems are carrying out a vast deception, control and domination of humanity. I first became aware of this dark shadow around 9/11, and have read quite a lot of David Icke's work and similar information. I am also interested in the individual shadow and integrating that, using the tool of astrology.
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4 Responses to Emotional Healing – Healing the rift between male and female within and without

  1. William says:

    im learning some things about how the male / female , within / without has very old roots. i began with being interested in the idea of an androgynous divine creator / God , feeling not to call father or mother , but yet feeling some aspects of life are distinctly masculine and feminine so not entirely ruling out expressions of the divine in father and mother interpretations which perhaps many people find easier to relate with on a personal closer level , all be it if God (by whichever name a persons language may use) is in reality first ONE and second beyond gender , infinite. part of this line of thought has led me to looking at males and females generally , some ideas ive written this evening following the study of Biology which has been done ive been looking at Yale university lectures and then writing to attempt to remember reflect and contemplate what ive learnt this evening …

    when life began in the sea to evolve there was equality between the sexes as the very first animals were stuck to the sea bed or floating around not moving so there wasn’t humping but male and female were very similar in reproduction: millions of sperm as well as millions of eggs were released into the water hoping to meet each other , but then over millions of years with their being so many sperm and eggs having to be produced the foetus produced of a small sperm and small egg were very small , and being very small they didn’t survive in evolutionary terms as strongly as the survival of those who evolved a separation between male and females occurring of less and larger eggs relative to more tiny sperm , so the baby could start bigger and thus survive better , so still needing millions of sperm hoping to increase the chances of coming across a larger egg , which in evolutionary success of the species would out do the smaller copulations of balanced male / female sperm / egg sizes and numbers , so that’s why the difference began , of millions of smaller sperms from the “males” also with tails to help seek much less and larger “female” eggs with larger female physical investments per egg in the reproduction process.

    then in time life began to be able to move , to find food and also hump for more efficient reproduction rather than relying on the inefficient chances of copulation happening in open water , and life slithered out from the sea and became mammals and us. evolution is generally conservative and uses what it can unless there are drawbacks , so this situation of millions of sperm and way less eggs as advantageous over many millions of years in the unmoving life in the sea stayed and whether in the sea or on land , with moving humping life , the situation now became that more offspring would survive (the name of the game in evolution) if males of species did something with these lots of sperm which is having sex with as many females as they can to procreate with concurrently , so that is exactly some of the roots of why things are as they are in society today , of course with exceptions , but generally how many men humping around how many single mothers rather than married monogamous partnerships and also the females of species in the evolutionary chain have reasons for not being monogamous too in particular to gain more resources (food nest materials) than 1 male provides so men like to hump as many women as possible for even up to daily or multiple in 1 day concurrent breeding , women have more exclusive breeding as it takes them a larger physical investment eg a whole year pregnant / breast feeding as well as solely nursing young , however still may be happy to hump a number of males rather than be monogamous if there’s another benefit , etc increased resources or protection.

    Consequences of this are also that males are expendable as less males can mate with all the childbearing females , and that’s why male aggression has evolved , and why quite often women and macho men are prone to finding predominantly male soldiers of one gang killing other solders of other gangs something “heroic” , the basic evolutionary roots of war , to get the strongest sperm into as many women as possible as also , the number of expendable males doesn’t help the species as much as the strength of a few males. even after the heroic killing of war allows more food for the females and children too!

    so as males are humping as much as they can to breed with male over male power struggles , the situation begins of females selecting strong males to have strong offspring , even to the point that if the strength is no benefit environmentally but even if only to select those violently triumphant so that her children will also be successfully violently triumphant and attractive and selected for overcoming other males , these things bioligically wired , so the original process of females selecting for strength and as a result of outdoing the competition starts an additional process of selecting strength also for her own offspring to be better selected among her daughter in laws and thus more of her dna continues when a female has these preferences! ,

    these factors of strength and competition predisposemales of species to becoming larger and stronger than females , so another consequence is that the male to male violence of completion spills over into violence of males being able to overpower females into having sex , which also is why some women are wired to be ok with domestic violence , very forgiving and somehow tolerated abuse , see a typical day time tv show , these women where it seems astonishing how they still love their man “he didn’t mean to hurt me” blah blah , that’s partly because its an evolutionary wired process in females for their created offspring to also be violent hunky overpowering males to dominate competition including to dominate women into having sex so for her dna to have the best chance of continuing.

    and so this animistic biologically and evolutionary rooted aspect of people therefore as i see it , I would prefer to be more thoughtful and have choice over my instincts , as opposed base instinctual , and so when i see a man i intellectually dislike for no good reason , i try and get beyond it , i seek all relationships in every form primarily on the spirit level which intercedes with the animistic level , that is what i believe will make a person something better than instincts and a relationship couple stay together , rather than a man wanting hips and breasts for the day and a women wanting a tall hunk for the day he is willing or for however long him and his resources are good for

    the spirit of life i hope has more to it , as well as by the spirit of soul love , in families both parents would have devoted care for their children , because , evolutionary it may well be more biologically better to have 20 neglected children and only 10 survive , than have only 1 or 2 children properly cared for and very happy , so again this is where i think humans could seek the spirit of life to surpass basic biology , to be happy and fulfilled rather than just to have the most sex and the most reproduction. some rather momentous concepts in that which approached primarily at a first level perhaps may at least increase awareness of what the spirit and what soul love overcomes , sweet wishes ♥

    • Hi ya

      Very interesting. You elucidate what’s going on very clearly with a wonderful meeting between nature/mother and father/spirit and our spuritual/natural evolution.

  2. more into the healing is to say men we don’t have to unconsciously or consciously aggressively compete or even kill to attempt to gain more than 1 woman for each of us to have the most sex most partners. women we equally dont have to select the hunkiest tallest most physically dominant aggressive violent winner of such primitive male competition , which is what has caused the male of the species to become physically stronger also resulting with the added evolutionary ‘success’ potential of overpowering women whether obvious rape or subtle domination. while a woman’s sons may be more evolutionary ‘successful’ if they inherit a ‘heroic’ soldier killer type rapist strong body but surely a mothers spirit and soul hopes for more than to abide by this biological wiring as surely does a fathers spirit and soul want more than just sex and being a biological father.

    there are enough males and females for everyone who wants to have spiritual union and that union can be based on a deep eternal bond rather than transient or superficial characteristics. then making love can be more than just an orgasm or even as i once heard someone describe it as a mere sneeze of the chakras , but spirit and soul relationships are an infinite bond.

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